"I release the guilt and embrace the truth that I did the best I could with what I knew.” - Rebecca Ann

Introduction:

Widow guilt - oh, what a sneaky little gremlin, right? It creeps in when you least expect it, whispering those relentless questions: "What if I had done more?" or "I should have done this instead." Trust me, I know how heavy those thoughts can feel. Widow guilt is like a backseat driver, constantly second-guessing every decision you made, no matter how hard you tried or how much you loved. 

But here's the thing: you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Period. 

Let's dive into this tricky topic of widow guilt: the what-ifs and should-have-beens and talk about why it happens, how it messes with us, and, most importantly, how to let it go.

Episode 10: Widow Guilt: The What-Ifs and Should-Have-Beens

What is Widow Guilt

Widow guilt is that nagging voice in your head that tries to convince you that you could've somehow prevented the loss of your spouse - or at least made things better for them. 

It might sound like this:

• "What if I had noticed the symptoms earlier?"

• "I should have insisted on a second opinion."

• "What if I had done more to fulfill their wishes?"

These thoughts are relentless. They can make you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world, even though you were just doing your best in an impossible situation. Widow guilt: the what-ifs and should-have-beens, can make us forget one crucial truth - none of us are superhuman. 

Why Does Widow Guilt Show UP?

What I have learned is widow guilt stems from the fact that we cared so deeply. It's a reflection of love, but it's also a byproduct of grief. Here's why it tends to pop up:

• We replay moments. You relive decisions and wonder if you have done better. 

• We want control. Grief makes life feel chaotic, and guilt tricks us into thinking we should have had control. 

• We judge ourselves harshly. You set impossible standards for how you "should have" handled things. 

But here's the reality: widow guilt isn't logical. It's fueled by hindsight and emotion, not facts.

How to Let Go of Widow Guilt

Letting go of guilt doesn't happen overnight, but it's possible. Here are some ways to start lightening the load:

1. Remind yourself of the truth. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Period. 

2. Challenge those "what-ifs." Ask yourself: Was this really in my control? Most of the time, the answer is no. 

3. Rewrite your story. Instead of focusing on what you didn't do, focus on the love and care you did give.

4. Talk it out. Whether it's with a trusted friend, therapist, or fellow widow, saying the guilt out loud often takes away its power. 

5. Practice forgiveness. You're not perfect - non of us are. Forgive yourself for being human.

Why Widow Guilt: The What-Ifs and Should-Have-Beens Doesn't Serve You

Here's the thing about guilt - it keeps you stuck. It robs you of peace and makes you responsible for things you were never meant to control. Holding onto guilt doesn't change the past, but letting it go can transform your future. 

Every time that little guilt gremlin sneaks in, remind yourself:

• You're not psychic.

• You're not a superhero.

• You're just a human who loved deeply and tried your best.

Moving Forward with Grace

Widow guilt: the what-ifs and should-have-beens, may feel overwhelming, but it doesn't define you. You've already been through so much, and you deserve peace - not guilt. 

As you continue your healing journey, remember this: What you did was enough, even when it doesn't feel like it. Letting go of guilt is an act of love for yourself - and your late spouse would want that for you, wouldn't he?

Now, go easy on yourself. You're doing an incredible job navigating this messy, unpredictable journey called widowhood. 

What steps will you take today to let go of widow guilt? Share your thoughts with me in the comments - I'd love to hear from you.

This Weeks Actionable Step:

When guilt creeps in, remind yourself: You aren't responsible for everything, and it's okay to forgive yourself.

Resources I Know You'll Love

Resource #1 | Redesign Your Life Membership Program - a transformative, supportive community designed specifically for women navigating life after loss. This is a private podcast, a space for growth, healing and transformation. You receive exclusive audio workshops and special episodes where we dive deeper into the 10 pillars of widowhood, including emotional wellbeing, financial stability, rediscovering identity, and more. Each workshop (6-7 episodes) is paced with actionable tools, compassionate guidance, and strategies to help you release what no longer serves you and redesign your life with hope and purpose.

Resource #2 | Widow Warrior Wear - Widow wear designed just for widows in this season of life. Our shop celebrates the strength and humor of widows with sassy slogans and empowering designs. Laugh, love, and wear your warrior spirit proudly as you journey through grief and re-design your life!

Resource #3 |Widow Wellness Kit- My Widow Wellness Kit is filled with handpicked products I've personally tried and tested as a widow navigating grief and healing. Each item has been chosen to help release stress, promote relaxation, and create moments of calm, offering practical tools I've found invaluable on my own journey - and now I'm sharing them with you.