"I attract and cherish the people who can hold space for my grief, and release those who cannot.” - Rebecca Ann

Introduction:

Let's talk about something that happens to so many of us after loss but no one really warns you about: when friends disappear. Seriously, where did they all go? It's like someone handed out a "Grief Escape Plan" at your spouse's funeral, and half your circle decided to execute it. 

Not all friends vanish, of course, but when some of them do, it stings - badly. Widowhood is lonely enough without having to wonder, Did I say or do something wrong? Spoiler alert: you didn't. Let's dig into why this happens and how to deal with it.

Episode 11: When Friends Disappear - Where Did They All Go?

Why Do Friends Disappear?

Grief makes people uncomfortable. It's messy, unpredictable, and reminds others of their own mortality. Here are some common reasons I have found why friends disappear:

• They don't know what to say. Rather than risk saying the wrong thing, some choose to say nothing at all. 

• Fear of saying the wrong thing. Or worse, they do say the wrong thing, like "At least you had so many years together," and then they awkwardly fade away.

• They're scared of grief. Your pain can feel overwhelming to people who've never experienced loss.

• Life goes on - for them. They're not living your reality and may assume you're "fine" because you're surviving day by day. 

As hurtful as this can be, understanding the why behind it can help soften the blow.

The Upside of a Shrunken Circle.......

When friends disappear, it might feel like your world is caving in. But here's the good news: the ones who stay? They're the real deal. These are the friends who:

• Bring over a meal without asking.

• Sit in silence when you don't have words.

• Remember to check in on your birthday - or your spouse's.

• Laugh at your dark humor and love this new version of you. 

Grief weeds out the fair-weather friends and leaves you with pure gold.

New People Will Find You

A painful as losing old friendships is, grief also makes space for new relationships. I've met incredible people who only know me as the current version of me - the widow who's figuring it out. There's no awkwardness, no comparisons to "before." It's just easy and real. 

And honestly, some days it feels like my guardian angels are placing these new friends right in front of me, exactly when I need them. Trust the process. 

What to Do When Friends Disappear

So, how do you cope when friends disappear? Here's what's worked for me:

Give grace where you can. 

People don't always know how to handle grief.

Focus on those who show up.

Nurture the relationships that feel supportive.

Let go of the rest.

Their absence isn't a reflection of you - it's about their capacity.

Stay open to new connections.

Your tribe will grow again.

Weekly Actionable Step

"Focus on nurturing the relationships with the people who do show up for you. Let the rest go." - Bless and release!

Final Thoughts

When friends disappear, it's hard not to take it personally. But remember: the ones who stick around and the new ones who enter your life are the ones worth investing in. So hold them close, trust the journey, and know that you're not walking it alone. 

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